Wow! and last Tuesday

my teacher asked me to write a short essay on wow! and also Last Tuesday. And i did. 

This is my version. 

A silhouette stood along side the lake with her hair being blown by the wind gently. The hair was silky and totally covered her back. She looked beautiful.

I cycle around that area at 6pm every evening, but this is the first time I have seen her , and so my curiousity took over me.

I parked my bicycle and locked it to a tree, and tried to smell myself to check if I needed some deodorant. I took a deep breath and walked rigidly to the girl. Her back became clearer as I approach.

Spontaneously, I greeted her with a very husky voice. 

        ' Hi there, are you new in town?' with a smile I asked.

She turned around and wow! He was actually my brother back from Australia who had his hair long.

Wow! That was an experience. My brother teased me as my attempt to confront a 'girl' ended shockingly unexpected..

It was a wow. it was.. weird la to me..

this is the version after my teacher correct it.

 A silhoutte was seen along side the lake with her long silky hair being blown by the wind. It covered the entire back. It was a sight to behold.

I usually cycle around that area at 6pm every evening, but this is the first time I have seen such a thing, and so my curiousity took over me.

I took a deep breath and walked rigidly to the figure. The back became clearer as I approached.

Spontaneously, I greeted with a very husky and nervous voice.

          'Hi there, are you new in town?' with a smile I asked.

The figure turned around and wow! That was actually my brother...... (the rest remains the same as mine)

Last Tuesday

Many things happened last Tuesday, like any other day, I went to school, studied and gained more knowlege. It was more than that.

I sat in class, revising my notes and a teacher rushed to the class and called for my name. She brought me to the office hurriedly and I saw a man in uniform, pacing the hall.

I started to feel uneasy, I looked up at my teacher and her eyebrows were creased. I did not want to ask more.

It was bad news. The person in uniform was an officer, a friend of my father's.

I did not return to the classroom after that, because last Tuesday I lost my father. He died in action, protecting a pregnant woman from a gunshot, fired by a robber.

Since last Tuesday, I have not seen my father, and will not be able to, anymore. Last Tuesday, will always be remembered. 

I was happy cos teacher said this was outstanding. and sad. so.. yea! =D