to us

our interests, silently, gradually, split up and walk their own ways.
they, dont walk on the same path anymore.
we, have different intentions.
we, wasnt like last time.
we use to have a lot in common.
i'm happy but not so.
i'm confuse but i'm in love
i'm in love but not so
i wanna love but i'm afraid so
if the insecurity took over me
this relationship would be over
without noticing, different feelings, intention, way of feeling abt something creep into our hearts.
changing our idea of life.
we now are together.
but it seems so close but so far.
i wanna stop but yet i wanna continue
i wanna continue yet i dont wan2 get hurt
i dun wan2 get hurt but yet i wan to love
i wan to love and change
but changing someone hurts.
i'm confuse.
i love.
i hate.
i know.
i realise.
i feel.
i cry.
i smile.
i think.
i stopped
i..
collapsed.








i
love you. <3 babe
your lucky colour.

Continuation of my previous post

Well other than that.. The traffic there was pretty scary too.. And becos of my brother's wedding.. I had to put full make-up on.. I couldnt rub my eyes cos my eye liners and mascara will smooch and make me look really ugly, took some pics with my full make up on.. it was quite okay.. cos whatever was on my face was shu eumura and also loreal and make up forever.. it was.. no cheap labels so it met my expectations... Did my hair nails back and also a beautiful dress.. =) Everything was perfect that night.. I looked like a princess and felt like a queen.. All i was lacking and scarce of.. was.. a partner to talk to laugh with and someone that would admire and praise me.. It was the first time i've ever felt pretty myself but it was all surface.. What's inside that counts bla bla bla.. but still i felt pretty.. I really was bored.. >.< But it was quite entertaining at the same time.. Bugging my sister to take the food cos.. it's manners to let the older ppl get the food b4 we do.. and My sister is definitely older and there was my sister-in-law's popo sitting beside me.. She dislikes ppl getting food for her. I wanna eat but she's not eating but i couldnt'eat!!! I was very frustrated cos we were sitting in the main table.. And it was all abt looking pretty at that moment.. Sacrificed food that i wanted to eat =( broke my heart.. I love indo food!!~~~ They've got some really really awesome taste nice and yet healthy food and all it contains it's vege!~~~ At the same time.. Everything i did reminds me of someone i love a lot =] and u know. checking my phone time to time for messages..


I went to Bandung. They've got good food.. good service.. good surroundings.. and their onli lack of something very very important and and it cant be ignorant abt it.. THeir traffic.. Oh my gosh.. Two totally opposite directions having green light at the same time.. I freaked out.. But the my sister-in-law's popo's driver was awesome.. we were safe and sound and totally perfect no car sick at all! He was a really really qualified driver >.< i fell in love with his driving skills... That's all i can think abt now.. If there's anything i can recall i'll post it! take care now everybody... God bless =]

Tuan Punya Cincin(Lord Of The Ring) : The Return Of The Queen (King)

Do you know how it feels like to have 4 person to work on u all at the same time? I just came back to indonesia.. Overnight i instantly became a millionaire.. It was my brother's wedding that brought us together to travel once again and.. it's very AWESOME...

I had a massage.. and it cleared all my sores that i have on my neck and my back although it hurt a lil.. but it's all worth it! The reason of being half bride's maid.. i get to do what the bride does! manicure and pedicure... it was.. like in heaven


WILL BE CONTINUED..

Tagged

RULES


1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
2.Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.





1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
- Heartbroken.. Seek Vengeance ^^ jk

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
- have a great husband and a family

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
- The bitches who try to snatch my soon-to-be hubby (i hope)


4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
- Spend it all in investment and sharing it with my love ones..


5. What's your ideal lover like?
- loyal, know the meaning of relationship, able to sacrifice, loves me a hell lot =), no secrets from each other, not selfish, give and take =]


6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
- being able to love someone. It is better to give than take


7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
- until where i know it's not worth it and he doesnt love or wan me anymore.


8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
- i wouldnt be interested in those taken ppl >.< 9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
- yeah but now it's just a once upon a time


10. What takes you down the fastest?
- my love ones who cares abt me

11. How do you see yourself in exactly 10 years time?
- Dead if not staying with my hubby mom dewey and my family members =)

12. Who is the most important to you?
- Mom, Eunice, Justin, Sal, Dewey (forever) Ryan, michie and car door


13. What kind of person is the one who tagged you?
- she's my sweetheart =] who i use to nag her to do her piano homework >.<>

14. Would you rather be rich but single or married but poor?
- Married to a great man but poor. Love is priceless compared to money


15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
- Look for my bao bei, checked my phone for time to see whether i still have more time to sleep or not and see whether there's any messages from him..


16. Would you give all in a relationship?
- more than necessary..

17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
- the one that would appreciate me!

18. What type of people do you hate?
- Cheaters and ppl who doesnt know how to watch their mouth


19. List 1 people you want to tag.
- Ryan



Baby come back to me =(

TOday

cry for ryan all the way =)

=)

As the love of my life left.. I hear the sounds of my heart breaking and my love life collapse upon me just in that moment.. I was in pieces.. Hoping that someone would be kind enough to pick me up.. and put me back to the form when i was once truly happy.. Holding back my tears as i tried to race against the wind.. I ran and ran and ran there it was.. Where my ticket stood still.. The ticket home.. My brother arrived to pick me up from school.. He wanted to have some ice cream too, not knowing how i felt.. The feeling of crying my eyes out and then the head bursting effect made me desperately persuaded him not to have some and just send me home..

He sensed something wrong and just obliged to what i asked for.. The moment i tot i would be able to relieve the tension in me.. my mother came.. i have to hold back again.. my heart is broken and i couldn't take it anymore.. inappropriate ways of releasing stress is a big problem.. I knew about it.. and now to not hurt others but onli myself... I found a way of releasing it and that's by releasing my anger and sadness by crying it out as the pain slits through my hand - i started to cut myself again..

No matter how painful it is.. It will be gone in a while.. But the pain in the heart will need lots of time to heal.. It was in such tender care and now it's trying to fit in but just couldnt.. The pain of sitting beside someone u love but yet cant give him a hug or kiss him b4 i leave to places.. To have someone on the phone all the time happy to hear u and will be with u whenever u nid him.. My dream was crushed.. My ambition, hope, cheerfulness went along with it..

Gloomy like the sky today.. Shining dimly in a corner.. Waiting for a miracle to happen when tears roll down my cheeks, waiting for someone to wipe my tears for me.. I looked everywhere, hoping to find the one who would do it.. Nobody came.. NOBODY.. I was left alone just there and then.. All the while no matter how angry i am or whatever i will not miss my meals.. But i lost my appetite.. My dessert was taken by someone else and the appetizers disappeared..

The person who i share my feelings to and the excitement in school that happened is sick of listening.. He want to listen no more and asked me to move on with life happily.. Crap =)


I will not live happily when i dun have someone to share things with..

Hatred, Betrayal and Forgiving

Hatred is something so common among people that to us hating someone is just something very normal. People abuse the word of 'hate' and forgotten what it truly means. I've been thinking for a long time how can a person hate someone until they dun talk to each other for months or even longer.. My mom always tell me that if u hate someone it actually means that you hate yourself. But she's been saying that for years and i still don't understand.. I think it was because i was not mature enough to really think what hating people mean.

I hate my father, i really do hate him. That day i asked myself, why do i hate him so much? Despite that he just left you for his on happiness and life and ruined ur childhood and wrecked your life? I always think that it's all his fault for me hating him. IT IS! maybe.. But recently i found out what hating means, you can't hate someone when you don't want one to be good.. Back to what i started, so why do i hate my father? I figured out that i hate my father so much is because i really care about him. I hate him because i cared about him bout he disappoint me. I hate him because he broke my mother's heart. I hate him because he lost my father. All this hating. is because i care..

If you dun care about someone, you wouldn't even bother to hate him or her cos you dont have feelings for them and it doesn't matter to you whether he's good or bad.. But someone that has been really close to you betrayed u or someone u really trusted backstabbed you or whatever bad things that you can imagine one can do to you.. You couldn't help but hating them because you really care about him/her and you really had high hopes for them..

Betraying someone it's a bad thing to do. The worst thing to do is to betray yourself. When someone love you so much and you have the same good feeling with him/her but you ignore or hurt her. you are betraying yourself. Betraying your happiness.. When you betrayed someone's trust. Once forgive, TWICE, forgiven but at your THRICE, you still make the same mistake, it is too bad.. It is bad to started and it is even worse to repeat.

Have you thought of one day you love ones betray you and it hurt you so badly?
Let's not talk about love life, let's talking your family members.. what if one day you found out that your mother actually wanted to sell you off just because she's a hardcore gambler and she's out of money and you burst out of her womb and she's too stupid to realise your a treasure.. How would you feel when someone that has a special bonding with you just didn't bother to get to know about you and love you and be responsible of you? It goes the same for your friends. When You betray your friends if u're lucky they will forgive but if u're unlucky they'll forgive you once again if u repeat the same mistake.. If it is for ur own good.. If the forgive u when u repeated the mistake and always forgive u.. U're not learning from ur mistake but taking their forgiveness for granted, maybe they don't care about you or maybe you're just too close to them that they don't want to lose you.. You yourself must know that it is wrong and you must put a stop to it. YOU MUST PUT A STOP TO IT. If one can do so. doesn't mean everyone can do it.

I don't like people to repeat or even make mistakes. Especially mistakes of life, principle or whatever.. When you do not set a principle of your own, when u go out of track you wouldn't notice because you don't have ur principle, you didn't draw a line for your limit. Different people has got different principles for set for their own. You yourself who set the principle must oblige your own principle. You set law for yourself to show maturity and also proving urself that u're not a barbarian or a tarzan or tarzan's gf me..

Anyway, forgiving someone it's not easy. When someone says that they forgive you, maybe they didn't really mean it.. You must look into yourself ones in a while to make sure you dun make a mistake too big to fix.. In life, studies or others. Forgiving someone it's good and it is not wrong to forgive someone easily, BUT it is wrong if you take people's forgiveness for granted! It is not wrong for u to give but it is wrong for u to take.

And last but not least. I love u sweetie! mwahs! =D