New Year!

I'm not sure if it applies for all of you who reads my blog still, but for me, everytime at the count down, i'll feel emotional and touched, another year has passed, i think of all the bad things that i've done and the achievements that i've managed. I sincerely apologize to those who i've hurt, physically, emotionally, psychologically. and i want to thank those who stayed by my side to help me through my difficult times. Thank you mommy, thank you to my awesome SAM teachers at taylors. Thank you thank you thank you, God!

Fireworks light up the sky, dontcha wish the person you love is holding you right now, enjoying the scene?

Last year, you promised me, that today now at this very moment, we would be watching the fireworks together, but this also is an empty promise like all the previous ones.

I've accepted that. So i'm moving on =)

Best of luck to me.

New year, new day, how am i gonna celebrate the first day of the year? Work at 6am in the morning! Awesome! So grateful i have a job!

Perhaps

Perhaps one day you will realize you should've done so much more that you could have.
That you could have worked an extra mile, gave an extra kiss to your mom, spent more time with your dog, or sit longer hours to finish up your work because you'll never know when your last second of your life will come and it will be too late to change a thing.


Perhaps one day, you would come to love me and hold me, like it is the last day of the world, but till now? Not happening.

Discovery in my trash

I was cleaning up my stuff as i promised my mom that i would after my finals.

I was looking through the notebooks and tearing out used pages to recycle them so that the pages unused will be reused next year or so on.

Then i discovered something, i'm not quite sure if i wrote it out, but if i did, i think i'd be impressed with myself, knowing my chinese only had a C for SPM, but if it was taken from a lyrics, all credits go to the person =)

Here goes,

在爱情中， 学会了爱惜，

在生活中， 得知了痛苦，

在恼中， 知道了爱你，

在人群中， 看到了寻找很久的自己。

看到了未来，

抛弃了后来，

在发现到你的原来，

当时， 痛苦就来。

跌倒了，

鼓起勇气，

深呼吸，

再次爬起来

向前冲！

人生总有痛苦和快乐的时光，

有上就会有下，

不要得意忘形，

也不要过度操劳。

发现了美丽，

就会分辨了丑陋，

拿来比较，

宁可把丑陋的忘了，

留下美好的。

Impressive huh? I know hahahhaa, grats to the person who wrote it, it was impressive to me, even tho it's written with just basic chinese.

Cheers,

jane

my 500th post!

gonna ask if there's still even one person that reads my blog( i doubt)

anyone can help me fine these songs?

More

Fall Afresh On Me

both my New Creation Church (NCC)

thanks peeps!

You too?

cry silently, tears roll down ur cheek, when someone comes into the same room as u, just calmly wipe ur tears away and pretend that nothing's wrong.

not really a good way to start a morning huh?

well, my pajamas is wet now.

WHAT AM I DOING?

trying to impress you, dress up trying to look beautiful.

when u're leaving soon, i should just give u my blessing.

curl my hair?

what for when u're not gonna be around to see it?

Enlightenment

Today, i realised, how to check the amount of posts we did on the blog.

Did you know that going over bump at 50km/h with soft suspensions is SUPER FUN?

If you haven tried it, do try. It is SUPER HIGH, it is like my weed. Cant get enough of it.

When i was young, i was on the motorbike and u never fail to make me giggle

18 years later, i'm in a car, and u still do your job well, by making me laugh my ass off..

I LOVE YOU BUMP, i hope to see you wherever i go when i drive. =D

you are the reason why i drive, so that i can run over you at laugh like a lunatic after that.

HEH.

*still high on bumps*

Oh my mysterious and wonderful God, thank You, for giving the creativity to men to make bumps. You are the best.

Praise You!

Dewey

OH MY GODDDD.. today i went to the pet shop, and saw this small white shih tzu!!

reminds me totally of dewey, i have never seen another pure white shih tzu after dewey since he was a pup! but now that dewey's brown on the ears. He's still super adorable!!!

ESL assignment!

had to write a self reflective essay of 300 words.

it was cool i guess. manage to complete 3 in less than half an hour. will post it up here soon!

very pissed

he kept calling me after college, i was pretty pissed, of what he did. what he shared with other ppl. i felt like i was blamed for it totally.

you know what ass hole?

fuckk you

Fell sick =(

Went home early on monday cos i was feeling very sick, missed out on the assessment practical, didnt bring my lab coat, after the break, went home after teman chloe drink her mushroom soup, mom picked me home then i rested there, as the night came, fell more and more sick. but insisted that i dont want to go to the doctor. my dad came over to check on me, and also to bring my cousin to see my mom, who just came back from australia.

tuesday woke up still knida sick but the fever is gone, headaches and flus. Ate subway again and drank mushroom soup again and mom made white porridge with vege again and she bought tao fu fa! hahaha not a fan of it, but glad she tot of being it for me. it's raining now and dewey's really scared.

the late night walks and runs have been helping me cope with my current condition and emotions. think i should do it more.

Lost in KL Central

Today was my psychology presentation on Joshua, teacher did not comment on my presentation but she just asked for the movie. Other classmates asked for the movie too. Miao Lu gave me her pendrive straight.

Took the KTM home today, from Subang Jaya i went to KL central and then there was a problem with my card so i was stuck, but the security let me pass and asked if i've used touch and go b4, with a very weird expression but a smile. He asked me to go to the counter to check, i went to the counter, they told me to go to the touch n go counter, then i asked where is it, they said behind CIMB bank, but they didnt tell me where is CIMB bank. I looked around, lost, then look at the directory, it doesnt even show where u are now, then went to the concierge to consult the receptionist, she gave me directions after she flirts with the police. I went around looking for the stupid touch n go counter. When i finally found it, thank God the service there was good, it was very fast and efficient as there wasn't much ppl there.

The girl attending to me was fast efficient, and very lil words ( I LIKE). filled up a form, she transact my credit from my old card to my new card. Then i went to rapid KL and took LRT home to Kelana Jaya, walked back home, stopped by tanjung for a while, wanted to get something, but the place is too small. Feel verypressured when i walk inside with my bag, like i'm gonna topple everything.

Came back in the afternoon, slept, woke up and cooked fried rice for me my mom and darren. Was texting my ex and feels very very disturbed, still feeling very dissturbed. All sorts of bullshit, and empty promises. Fuck you.

I dont wanna get hurt. I wont allow that.

Around 10 45, darren texted me and said he was starving, went down to check on him, gave him his fried rice, he said he'll like it a lot a lot if there's no chilli. So yea, glad he liked it. Ran a few rounds to release the tension, felt like crying but just couldn't let it out, now feeling depressed and suffocated.

wanted to sleep but got up to do the table for my practical test 3 tomoro, a table to record the data and all. Then did the search on literature value.

Hoping tomoro would be a better day, choice is in my hand.


Lord be with me and heal my soul. I am wounded my saviour, hold me in Your arms.

thank you for coming

the companionship u provided for 2 and a half hours really helped me, thank you for coming to check on me.

sorry abt the sandwich, didnt know u dont like mustard. =] fried rice deal remember! it's 10 days! it's a promise.

u're the guy that makes the impossible possible.

there were 16 stars the spot where we stood and counted, when we look up to the night sky..

Heartaches

I've just been scolded by nicholas for not planning my future well,

my best fren isolates herself from me, cos i said smth wrong, i apologized to her and now waiting for her to be ready to be frens with me again

trusted the wrong person, having such huge impact in my life

thinking what to make for darren to eat later,

this fucked up bastard did smth wrong and the mother stood on his side, of cos. I'm the stupid one who believed the second time.


ILY Lord, restore my soul. Guide me in this hardship, as through You i shall not perish.

It was v.nice seeing u again.

Something really unfortunate happen to me today, cried in class, my chest pain went away with my tears, then the rest of the class just pretend that i'm happy =]

lost a fren, lost trust and lost smth so very dear to me.

After coming back from college, i manage to see him, he was still very cold to me, unlike last time, he will look happy when he sees me, but now, i couldn't think the same way.

College was long today, very long, and tomoro will be my turn for my psychology presentation.

I'M really glad that my fren chloe got full marks for her psychology presentation on studio ghibli's founder hayao miyazaki. or smth like that. Her presentation was so excellent and that she memorised everything and know every single detail in her slides, very well prepared. I'm so happy for her =] proud of her as she has been talking about it for a long long time.


Thank you for sharing with me about ur life, i hope what i told you would help the situation.



To the one who came to see me, thank you, it meant a lot to me. I could only think of u when i realise i was in a SHIT situation.

Shocking news!

AMAZING discovery from my 2 ex @@

one is that he lied

Darren texted me outta no where! i was very relieved when i got his msg. wish for another msg to know that he's safe. =]

Wallpaper

Since the moment i got my own laptop, i have been searching for cool digital universe wallpapers like mad, and now i've found quite a lot of very nice walpaper with extra features but realise I DONT KNOW HOW TO CRACK it T.T. this sucks seriously.

I WANT IT as my wallpaper!

someone pls provide me with guidance!!!

Today went to college almost late and was talking to mom about Paul the octopus, having predicting all previous matches correctly.

so this is the prediction for the finals, according to paul, spain and hollan @@

who do u support?

Today, was awesome.

another tiring day, just gonna drop dead on my maattress with my dog sniffing me all over..

nightt..

15062010

today is such a tiring day.. but atleast i have a v soy by my side now to cheer me up and do wonders to my mood. Today slept in class, quite rare for me, i normally insisted to stay awake no matter the consequences, when i came back from college, just dropped dead on the bed and slept till 8pm or so. Woke up by my mom's voice ( as usual) talking about her abnormal psychology assignments reading aloud and we would (depend on mood) listen or pretend to listen to her. I practiced her sign language to her, and i'm starting to memorise a lot of it, but of course still a long way to go..

Darren

have been thinking about him lately, and wonders how is he doing. Looking at the way he lost his dog, i would've gone out of my mind. Then i came to think of how we first saved silly, a cute strayed cat, i called him i found a kitten crying for a long time, we tried to feed it but she wont eat nor drink the milk. Darren kindly took it home even though he had two large dogs at home, chester and rocky. Rocky's the one who passed. He managed to fed silly, he said with a spoon and heated milk, then i was thinking, ' i'm such an idiot, of cos a mother's milk is warm, it is not refrigerated, like duh' then me and sally looked at each other and realise how stupid we were.

Silly didnt live for long, Darren woke up one morning and found that she was hardened and dead, his sister got very upset over it. I also remember there was once when i was feeling extremely done, i walked over to his house during midnight, and sat at the bus stop opposite his house, it was dark, filled with mosquitoes, but there were a few stars, blinking, i called darren and he rushed out immediately, and he held me in his arms, and we both just stared at the sky for sometime. Until i couldn't tolerate with the mosquitoes further.


Sleeping on his bed with his bolster, was heaven, the airconditioner would always be on, the room would always be tidy and clean, unlike mine. We'd watch anime's and series together. He would smell the bed and the pillow after that, and tell me that it smells just like me, as if i was there. His parents were lovely, his father cared a lot for him, and so does his mother. His father is very responsible tho, even tho sometimes he can be a bit angry.

So much about him that i missed out, even though we lost contact, (more like he refuse to talk to me) just wished that one day, we would be able to talk normally again, like we're closed friends, afterall, we've known each other very well. Even up until today.

Holidays!

coming into the second week of my holiday! still quite shocked about my fren's wedding, i'm feeling sad for her, to be tied down at such a young age. Anyway, holiday has been great, read some books i borrowed from the library!

The previous week wye hong has been really nice to have said yes to me, when i begged him to tutor me maths! He has a lot of patience for me really.

Hoping to watch killers tomoro now that i have a chaffeur, however it is spelled. Good night ppl~

Sorry for the dead blog, i'm more often on facebook =]

sorry!

it has been so so long since i've last updated my blog.. well between me and him it is officially over.

loneliness will take over me again and i'll cry and laugh but my Father will be with be and make sure that i'm never dry =] so many things to get used to!

i cant wait for a change. staying in my comfort zone is just not my thing. i guess it's good that we've both separated. he's happy too..

facebook

suck. cannot log in laaaa...

aii yooo...!

sorry laaa no one wanna come here and read my blog d.. anyway my bro sent me this super meaningful thing. for the girls!

From an Old Woman to a Young Woman

1. You are not a victim. No matter what happens to you, don't take the pussy route and blame the world for your misfortune. If you were sexually assaulted, verbally abused, etc and lived to tell about it; take your pain and help those who need it. Writing emo poetry isn't going to solve anything.

2. Invest in your education first, your looks second. Anyone can pay a plastic surgeon to look hot, but not everyone can read a book and do simple math.

3. No matter what you call it, having a 'man to take you shopping' is glorified prostitution. He wants you for your body, you want him for his wallet. Cut the crap and call it what it is.

4. Do not seek confidence in other people. Magazines, celebrities and most pop influences are there to make you feel like you're nothing. Don't buy into it. Those celebrities need your money to look fabulous. Invest in yourself, not hype.

5. Stop fueling gossip mongers [Perez Hilton, TMZ.]. They have nothing to talk about and if you follow them for long, neither will you.

6. Be modest; why have all your goods unwrapped and leave nothing for the imagination?

7. Know the difference between fucking and love. There is a major difference and if you don't know it, pick up a book or ask someone who does.

8. Do not have children just because you're lonely or insecure. Your child will end up hating you for it and you won't get the emotional blanket you hoped you'd get.

9. Get a job. Seriously. Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that you are excused from work. Find a trade, get a job. If you are a house wife, be a good one. If you are a career woman, put your heart into what you do.

10. A respectable companion is rarely at a 'bar' or da club'. These places are meat markets and will only set you up for a douchebag or a wimp. If you go, refer to rule 7.

11. Learn to cook. Cooking is a dying skill that needs not be. You'd be surprise how much weight you lose and how you can get a decent companion if you know more than picking up a phone and calling for dinner.

12. Get off your phone. If it's not your best friend, your job or your family, your cackling is not important and the rest of the world does not want to hear it. Listen more. Talk less.

13. Stop putting so much of your money into things [purses, shoes, make up] and start putting it into a savings account, a 401k or an IRA. Those shoes are not going to vest when you turn 65.

14. Stop using men to get you stuff. Have some self respect and buy your own drinks, meals and entertainment. A date will respect you more if you show them you are not helpless.

15. Perfume and baby powder does not make up for good hygiene. Shower, do your laundry, clean your place. Body odor is not excusable for either genders.

16. If you are a Lesbian, respect yourself and stop trying to find acceptance in the world. 9/10 they will not accept you. Tell them 'fuck you' and be your own woman.

17. If you are a Lesbian, you are not anymore special or important than anyone else. You love other women and you have that right, but do not flex your preference thinking it makes you unique. Your mind and experiences make you unique, either gay or straight.

18. Buy clothes that fit. Be tasteful with your clothing be you big or small.

19. Don't eat for comfort, vomit to make yourself beautiful, and starve yourself to feel loved. Exercise, be sensible with your food choices, don't deprive yourself but never eat too much. The quickest way to a size 30, and to the grave, is past your teeth.

20. If they say the love you, ask them to earn your heart through good deeds, genuine kindness and respect.

21. Romance is not dead; but if you're not willing to give it, don't expect it in return.

22. Stop being a bitch to other women and other people. If you are not happy, go get therapy. No one deserves to be berated because you don't have the guts to berate yourself.

23. Do something new every day. Pole dance to learn about your sensuality, paint to express your creativity, write a blog to express your soul. Evolve and never stop learning.

24. Look in the mirror everyday and smile at what you see.

25. Stay safe. Learn to defend yourself against one or multiple attackers. Jackals do not attack if they see a big stick. If all else fails, run. There is no shame in running if it keeps you safe.

26. Love yourself. Always. When you love yourself to the fullest, the world will open with opportunities

Happy chinese new year ppl!

i know it has been a LONG LONG time since i last updated my blog.. sorry man.. college is sooooooooo dam busy. then i fell extremely sick for a week and almost died.

anyway just to wish everyone a very very happy and prosperous chinese new year!

G3's class rep

is me. again. my 4th year. wheee.e... hope there's less work.. =D

110110

hahaha logic gate(title)!

went to sunway pyramid with ma boy today! had uhh O'Viet for breakfast! summer rolls in their newly renovated restaurant. After that we went straight down to the rink and skated for 3 hours.. When we just went in there was less than 10 person in the rink!

Feels like u had the rink all to urself.. Then the ppl started pouring in after lunch time.. the ice was exceptionally nice to skate on today, i kinda improved on my ice skating skills, watching the pros skate like they're shuffling on water.

at 3.30pm. we left the rink and babe bought me a milo, he finally allowed me to but fussed abt it hahaha.. we then went to sakae sushi for lunch! he tried the dragon maki today! is very very yummy yummy! after lunch we went to minitoons to look for nicholas chee. but that mr lazy, amazingly can have 2 days off in a week. WHAT THE HELL! well wasted our effort going there. so we went to topman to get my boy his sweater but the size he wanted was out of stock! so we have to go back to one u. then we went around shopping for my pair of flats, so i wouldn't have to wear slippers or sport shoes if i wanna go out with him, atleast a decent pair of flats. We managed to find one and bought it!

after that went looking for my wallet. went into a few shops but no luck. finally bought my wallet at Guess near the ice skating rink. It's darn expensive weh.. RM179, over his budget =( but he's just so darn glad i liked it. I LOVE IT!

after getting the wallet was planning to go home, but passed by starbucks and a thought flew to my mind. I WANNA EAT STARBUCK'S SHEPHERD'S PIE! it's freaking awesome i tell you! That day me and my sister in law went to bangsar village II's delicious, i had their shepherd's pie. It was disgusting, disappointing and cost 20 bucks! so not worth the price!

then at starbucks it's super yummy, filling is black pepper chicken. and it's less than 10 bucks!

after that got into a cab and JAMMED all the way home, i slept in his arms tho.. Almost drooled. but didnt! hahah it was so comfortable sleeping in his arms, he's always warm! I love him like that!

When we finally reached my house, we tried calling cab again and again but no cab.. so ended up he sent me home and he had to walk to the LRT station to get a cab =( my poor boy. Kissed him goodbye, stayed quite a while at the door. Dewey's was practically so much more happy to see him than he is seeing me. I'm just trash to him =(

well i'm done bout today with my hubby! HE IS AWESOME. did i say i love him?

I LOVE HIM A LOT!

mwahs!

080110

had a blast today with elly cheng and babe! went to one u together! me and babe had lunch and chilli's, had quesidilla explosion today! cos last time we came together we had mesquite chicken salad and this time we added with mash potato with black pepper gravy or watever!

it was yummy!and it's only 34.20!

after that went to the cinema but cheng and elly weren't there yet so we went up to the arcade! me and babe played daytona! hahaha he dam cute la.. he saw me lacking behind and he stomped on the break to let me catch up.. isn't he generous and sensitive!

well he won me anyway.. hahahaha after that cheng and elly came and they tried to con us that they bought ju on tickets. no way! and they bout babe's ticket too =( but he was leaving to taylor's to take an evaluation test for bio if he want to continue taking bio in college.. He left and we went in for the cinema after we bought chicken nuggets, mineral water, 1901 chicken hotdog and dunno what. the movie Sherlock Holmes was awesome, a lot of chemistry and very very smart thinking! A lot of sarcasm too! my fav!

was texting my baby b4 he did his test and after his text which lasted around 50 mins? and he managed to rush back and join us at the movie! well atleast he managed to watch 1/4 of it! after the movies we left and went to the batting cages and i played baseball for the first time in my life! well it was only batting la..

and the freaking ball hit my fingers while i was grabbing tightly to the bat. dam it hurts =( elly had to leave early cos her mom was already there. it wasn't fair =( after that babe's mom called and said there was a riot at kl abt some religion issues. well we brought cheng to kebab king to have kebab! yummy yummy kebab! me and babe had beef and mango juice while cheng had chicken and also took away one for roy roy! I realise we share everything these days, me and my boy.

me shared our breakfast lunch and dinner today! and even snacks! hahah we shared the kebab together and also my lollipop.

dinner was at itallianese! we shared shrimp linguine. he had watermelon juice and i had unfiltered warm water =D awesome! it's like u drink straight from the shower. ohh hot shower.

babe paid and we left to old wing to get a cab.. he was really grabbing me tightly at the waist and sticking me to his body like i'm his deodo spray aroma or smth. lol.. we got into a cab and he sent me home. as usual in the cab i'll just lie on his shoulder and knowing that we're parting again =( and hug his hand really really tightly!

we kissed each other goodbye and we were at the guardhouse and i got down and he left with the cab.. the guard greeted me with a wave and a smile. that only happens if u're wearing something short like a mini skirt which i kinda did today. then yea i'm lost.

reached home and baby's still stuck at 14 waiting for his mom.. and came back and found this awesome video i was looking for for a long long time! heard it on fly fm once and fell in love immediately. it was love at first play!