heart ache

oh baby.. =( i feel like the worst gf ever.. yesterday cant
today cant then mayb tomoro also cant. have to follow my family to bring my cousin's family to batu cave then to visit my father's fren's house for hari raya..


suddenly. i feel so useless.. i tot i would have time.,

i'm so sorrieee...

Hubby~

It hasnt been easy.
to breathe when u're not around
my heart is hollow
when i dun hear u safe and sound

i panicked badly..
when it comes to eu
even if it's a tiny problem.
i'm afraid if might affect eu..

we will both stand strong..
as we connect..
so now.. i've found ur USB port
take off ur ear so that i can put my thumbdrive in ><>

Baby =P i lurbiieee euu!~

lao gong..
every moment i'm thinking bout u
every second u cross my mind
i couldnt choose wat i have to pick
my things or u..

i cant help being jealous of u r sister
nor silly
cos they get to see u everyday but i dont..

u are so close to my heart but so far away from my eyes
u are so important to me but yet tender

i will treat u well and i will love u
from the bottom of my heart i'll dig..
a space just to fit u
comfortably..

i wan u bad
to be my side.
to hug me tight
side by side.

to lie on the bed and rest our minds
to look up at the sky and ennjoy the scenary
is wat i wish to do with u

flooding my mind with images of eu now
imagining the things that we can do together
the times we can share together.

the memories we share.
the things that we've prepared.
for our loving future.
that requires nurture.

we will provide watever it's needed.
to the ones that we pleaded.
i now love eu
and i know i truly do.
the final true love that i've seeked for
is definitely eu

i'm sorri i couldnt come today
i'm really sorrieee
i feel bad as things changed
things didnt go exactly we planned.
i love eu baby pls forgivie me..
i will bou fan for u on another day!

Guiltiness..

you said u love me.
but it doesnt seem to be
u tried to kiss me
but it didnt happen


i kept walking
slower than a grandmother walking
turning back
hoping to see a person i'm no longer familiar with making sure i'm safe

wat was i thinking hoping.


It was all a lie.. a lie to him to u and to myself
i managed to get over with u and him
but not myself
i clearly know myself
who i loved


and now i lie to myself the best i can
telling myself that it's all bullshit of wat u told me
so it wouldnt happen again
thinking that u have someone important in ur heart
i broke my own.

eventhough u told me u still loved me
i almost slipped.
i did not believe.
u looked so bothered.
my heart ached.
i hold up myself
and gave myself couraged..

i did wat's right
when i have the right.
but i left broken
as i wasnt when i reached

i sacrificed once again.
and i felt the pain.

the one

I finally found that was embeded inside my mind
the one that i'm looking for all the time
the person whom i'll love and respect
to look at up him as my bloody husband


Ur arms are around me now
as i type this post.
in ur house is where u host
u were great checking on silly
so now i can stop the worry
and let u carry..


i put my ego aside
and be with eu..
to have things the way u want it
or like the way i do.
it doesnt matter as we're both together
together and never we're forever.

in my heart is where u belong.
to kiss and hug is what we both love.
to be in each others arms when we both need love.

i love u sweetie oh yes i do
dun worri anymore as i am here for eu
although it still bothers me abt them.

but i know that u'll be with me till the very end..

without ur existence. i wouldnt survive lao gong..

without u keeping me warm i would perish in the cold.

i love eu

Baby!

i'm so glad to have eu in my arms
u always clear all my boundaries
and carried the burden with me

stayed up late with me cos i cant sleep
call me during midnite becos i had a nightmare

solving the problems that i couldnt in my mind
hugged me tight when i felt insecure
ur cute for afraid of losing me,
but u know wat
i'm afraid of losing eu too!

the last thing that i wanna do on earth.
is to part with u baby
it would equal to using a chainsaw
and cutting apart of my ears eyes heart body nose and love

the ring that i've been wearing.
symbolises something.
that u are my something.
and i would be worried of u
even if it's just slight cough..

my heart would ache
as ur sick..

come with me and bring me to the paradise
that i've been longing to go.
paradise of onli our world and nobody else.
where there'll onli be..
you and me..
you are the treasure of my life...
i'm never gonna let eu go.!

i love eu lots lots!

New Chapter of life..

Trapped in where i didnt want to be
and now i'm free to be who i want to be..

Loving exactly the person i nid
and his love for me is all i nid..

being with him felt nasty
but now baby with u i feel happy.

and support is all u've been giving me ..
and problems were all i was providing..
u bared with it without a word
of leaving me..

i love u sweetheart..
from the bottom of my heart..

u've healed me..
from my past..


and now.. it's time to fix
what i've missed.
to investigate the mistakes.
and correct them from wrong to right

it might be sad
oh yes mayb..
but i'm sure.. we can go through this..
as u and me
are as one.

Lonely? No way!

lonesome
was the onli thing i knew
lonely
was the onli thing i feel .
being sad
was wat i used to do
putting a fake smile on my face
was wat i always force myself to do.


and now...





Awesome..
is the one i wanna be..
Awesomeness
is the onli thing i feel
being pampered
is exactly how i am



Loved..
was wat i mistaken for..
but now..
it's fixed better than b4!

Loving..
is all i wanna do..
i wanna give all my heart up to u!


No parts
of my heart are left hesitating..
All i hesitate is annoying u!

Happy that i'm released
behind the bars.
we now celebrate..
our journey that we traversed.


The hardship
we've been through..
and the tears we both have flowed..


Now it's finally an end.
To sufferings and moans..

Cos we're both together..
laughing at his hoax... =]

lao gong.. cant wait for Sunday! miss u and silly..

wad i have to do

all i have to do is to keep calm stay with myself and know that i'm all darren's =]

i love u so much baby.. ^^

When we first touched,
ur name was embroided inside my heart.
cos i know.
that we both have found.
just the right one for each other.

we shared in common.
of all our interest.
to fill in the gaps
between our fingers..

as u held my hand.
and hugged me tight.
i felt i would never fall
cos i've never felt so secure than ever.


loving eu..
with all my heart.
wiping my past.
with ur mighty heart.

i no longer feel lonely
nor do i feel sad...
cos i know that
u'd be here brightening my day..
just when i nid u there.

i love u baby.
and so do u....
i've carved in my name.
in ur heart.

we exchanged secrets
as time pass
but now i know..
i'm no longer stuck in the past.


you brought me from fantasy
to reality...
for the greatest love for u that i hav
it's not easy..

we treated each other
onli with honesty...
and this is the strength
that connected..
the special bond that we both have..

u had been with me.
as we both suffered together.
cried, hugged and talked each other out..

and now we're together..
i hope everything works out!!!

=]

我爱著谁 爱到我有点醉
告诉我妳是谁 能够把我让我变不对
你不会累 但我却爱你爱到好累
从没有为了谁 不顾安慰付出一切
站在这平衡点 我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见 只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人 也不会是个好情人
你对我说 我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那麽多 少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞 也不会让你更难过
你听我说 要好好学著去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说 你不要这麽做
你不要看著我 说你已经知道怎麽做
你很难受 我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛 再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点 我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见 只能够靠感觉

A joke.

I've been treated as a joke. I tot it was me whom u loved all the while. but then it wasn't tragically it was someone most unexpected.. =] ouch... a big stab on my heart..


hope disappointment hope disappointment again and again...

wat should i do? hope? no.... let go? trying to..

He already have someone important in his heart. what he woould be writing who he would be writing abt.. we shall wait.. =] for the latest news stay tune to butterfliesjane.blogspot.com!

the case of a confused love with everything wrapped up together. jealousy and actions.



i love you. mwahs <3 love eu!

misunderstanding...

ppl.. often misunderstand loving someone and unable to let them go as loving.. but it's not.. it's our ego refusing to let someone that is use to be ours to have someone else touching it..

it has been painful for me to let him go.. but now.. i understand.. it wasn't love.. it was ego.. i wasnt happy with him, i was not satisfied. i complaint, then i made the move.. but i dn wanna let go.. thinking that i made the wrong move.. i had several attempts asking him back.,. thank goodness he refused.. today..i finally realise...


EGO KILLS.. it has been the ego that has made me suffer not him.. not love.. not God.. but ego..

好想你.. 你会回来吗? 你愿意吗?

能感覺你手很暖和 能感覺你是特別的

當我的手被你牽著 在街頭在風中放縱

隨你到世界最盡頭 隨你上山去放煙火

當你唱著 生日快樂 我感動 你讓我受寵

我不再怕什麼 躲什麼 我只想知道你在想什麼

請貼近我的心貼近我的耳朵

聽你輕輕的 輕輕的 輕輕的說 到底我是你的什麼

我不再怕什麼 躲什麼 我只想知道你愛不愛我

現在我安靜的 貼在你的胸口

等你說 聽你說 說愛我

我肯定你是愛我的 我肯定你是認真的

你會愛我天長地久 全世界為我們祝賀

我不再怕什麼 躲什麼 我只想知道你在想什麼

請貼近我的心貼近我的耳朵

聽你輕輕的 輕輕的 輕輕的說 到底我是你的什麼

說愛我 (怕什麼 躲什麼)

怕什麼 (知道你愛不愛我)

現在我安靜的 貼在你的胸口

等你說 聽你說 說愛我

...

其实, 我们都不够诚实. 因为我们都知道 事实.. 会把我们拉回 现实..
看见了你 , 不知应开心好, 还是 感到你不在我身旁 该伤心好...

失去了你.. 好不习惯.. 有了你, 感觉完全和现在不一样... 好想你..

奇怪的是.. 我并没有 期待你 回到我的身旁.. 不想默默的爱你..

勇敢的大声说出我爱你.. 你会很尴尬吧...

Jane!

What Jane Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

It's Over =] i'm so glad that i'm so over you.

We've run out of words we've run out of time
We've run out of reasons really why we together
We both know it's over baby bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all

Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just call it quits it's probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls it's 'cause

'Cause I'm not coming back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not any more
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed

'Cause it's over
Boy you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear boy it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

I still wake up every morning quarter to ten
I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table
I can't even remember how long it's been
No trouble stayin' occupied

Oh I ask about you whenever I come around
I do what I can not to put my business in the streets
Last thing I need's another episode
Keep conversations short and sweet because

'Cause I'm not coming back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not any more
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed

'Cause it's over
Boy you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause baby it's over
I swear boy it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

You know that it's over when the burnin'
And the yearnin' inside your heart ain't there anymore
And you know that you're through when she don't do to you
And move you like the way she moved you before

And you wanna pull her close
But your heart has froze
You kiss her but her eyes don't close
Then she goes out of your heart forever
And it hurts you but you know that it's better

Boy you know it's over
Boy you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
'Cause it's over
Boy you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear boy it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over

Die mother fucker! take that!
i no longer nid u in my life!

to us

our interests, silently, gradually, split up and walk their own ways.
they, dont walk on the same path anymore.
we, have different intentions.
we, wasnt like last time.
we use to have a lot in common.
i'm happy but not so.
i'm confuse but i'm in love
i'm in love but not so
i wanna love but i'm afraid so
if the insecurity took over me
this relationship would be over
without noticing, different feelings, intention, way of feeling abt something creep into our hearts.
changing our idea of life.
we now are together.
but it seems so close but so far.
i wanna stop but yet i wanna continue
i wanna continue yet i dont wan2 get hurt
i dun wan2 get hurt but yet i wan to love
i wan to love and change
but changing someone hurts.
i'm confuse.
i love.
i hate.
i know.
i realise.
i feel.
i cry.
i smile.
i think.
i stopped
i..
collapsed.








i
love you. <3 babe
your lucky colour.