I'm now gonna speak of Alan's dream.
Now imagine this
you're stuck in a maze, you wanna get out of course. You walked, suddenly you hear children laughing. They ran past you quickly and they'd just stop some where and stare at you from some distance. You walk around feeling helpless. Then suddenly, you see your loved ones your family members dead, brutally killed and hung on a wall. Suddenly the kids started to hunt you and it was like a game for them. You ran as fast as you could and hid at a corner. Behind you, emerged a kid, held your hand bit it and skewered it.
The perfect hollywood horror script.
LOVE IT.
Bby's dream is perfect.
Sunday, August 30
Long post!
went to the pet shop to get Dewey his food
and as usual stared at the hamsters!
my contact picture for Alan.
Wednesday.
Went for bio tuition! Dissection of the frog =/ yes i know. i was unprepared. It was freaky. Let the picture do the talking.
A picture of my lovely bio teacher briefing on how we should cut it
killed or tranquilized by thinner.
our unfortunate froggie
the inside of our unfortunate froggie.
Those lying beside the dissected froggie
are his small intestines and skin and liver
close up shot. not for the weak hearted.
This poor guy had to inflate the lungs of their froggie
as they mourn for the guy.and the froggie.
The guy blew hard. He did his best.
but the frog just wouldn't come back to life..
They soon gave up cos they couldnt see the lungs being inflated
It's either the guy blew it wrongly or he dont know how to.
So as you see, this girl with a painful expression of her face.
Her name is Sharon, she was actually having a lot of fun.
I tot they were fed up so they decided to brutally kill the poor froggie
Below is a picture of her, using a scissors cutting across the froggie's neck
Cos she wanted to see the froggie's brain. Cos she think it's cute.
P.S i do not know her. I got her name from her name tag sewn to her school uniform.
This is done by a malay guy whom i dunno what his name is.
Cruelty. Disgusting. Brutal. Inhumane.Letting it out cos he's hungry. He haven got to buka puasa at the time.
So pls do understand him. He's hungry. Like the old saying, A hungry man is an angry man!
So I went home, disgusted, and tried to pin Dewey down and hopefully i could dissect him too!
But i didnt have thinner to tranquilize him, so i figured that it'd be okay if i just do it with him conscious.
It didnt work out well. The picture you see directly above, is just a lucky shot i manage to snap before he started to move and ran away from me. Mayb he knew he was gonna lose his balls if he stayed on my lap and be a good boy =]
The end!~
Tuesday, August 25
memories ep 7
Till then, I know you weren't coming back. I felt worse at the thought of that.
You didn't bid any of us goodbye when you departed. My heart sank. You were gone.
I woke up to a cheerful morning. The sun shone, birds chirped, the air was fresh, everything seemed well.
I, still felt sour.
Mother drove me to school. It stroke me again when I saw your pictures and our particulars printed on a piece of paper stuck onto the lamp posts and trees.
School was dull as it was for the past fortnight.
I prayed hard. Day and night. I thought, at that time, maybe God was too busy to answer my prayers.
I wanted to hold you in my arms and feel your fluff again.
* * * * * *
I sat in the living room. Slumped on my couch, I hoped for a miracle. I prayed once again. I hoped for the impossible - when i open my eyes, you'd be on my lap sleeping soundly like a baby.
I opened my eyes.
Nothing.
I squeezed my eyes shut again.
Nothing.
My attempt for the impossible. Results to.
Nothing.
I hear you panting again, in the cage softly.
Ohh I thought to myself. Another illusion. I paid no attention to the panting, i started weeping again. Out of no where, something was scratching on the door, the soft panting went to a whine then a bark. MAN, i'm REALLY desperate to get him back. I thought it was an illusion, again. I thought i lost you.
I shut my eyes tight, doing the same idiotic thing i've been doing. My attempt of the impossible. The barking stopped, but I still hear some panting. I strained my ear to the direction of your cage.
BLOODY HELL. It was no illusion. You were there. RIGHT there. The whole time when I was acting like a retard.
I wanted to rush over to the cage.
The phone rang. =.=
It was mom. ''So?'' she spoke curiously.
I left the phone there, and I could hear faint voices when I held Dewey so close to me.
And that's a wrap. Happy ending, like how ppl like it.
But seriously.
Dewey.
Dun run again.
dedicated to my fluffy and now unfluffed Dewey boy! Although he doesnt read.
You didn't bid any of us goodbye when you departed. My heart sank. You were gone.
I woke up to a cheerful morning. The sun shone, birds chirped, the air was fresh, everything seemed well.
I, still felt sour.
Mother drove me to school. It stroke me again when I saw your pictures and our particulars printed on a piece of paper stuck onto the lamp posts and trees.
School was dull as it was for the past fortnight.
I prayed hard. Day and night. I thought, at that time, maybe God was too busy to answer my prayers.
I wanted to hold you in my arms and feel your fluff again.
* * * * * *
I sat in the living room. Slumped on my couch, I hoped for a miracle. I prayed once again. I hoped for the impossible - when i open my eyes, you'd be on my lap sleeping soundly like a baby.
I opened my eyes.
Nothing.
I squeezed my eyes shut again.
Nothing.
My attempt for the impossible. Results to.
Nothing.
I hear you panting again, in the cage softly.
Ohh I thought to myself. Another illusion. I paid no attention to the panting, i started weeping again. Out of no where, something was scratching on the door, the soft panting went to a whine then a bark. MAN, i'm REALLY desperate to get him back. I thought it was an illusion, again. I thought i lost you.
I shut my eyes tight, doing the same idiotic thing i've been doing. My attempt of the impossible. The barking stopped, but I still hear some panting. I strained my ear to the direction of your cage.
BLOODY HELL. It was no illusion. You were there. RIGHT there. The whole time when I was acting like a retard.
I wanted to rush over to the cage.
The phone rang. =.=
It was mom. ''So?'' she spoke curiously.
I left the phone there, and I could hear faint voices when I held Dewey so close to me.
And that's a wrap. Happy ending, like how ppl like it.
But seriously.
Dewey.
Dun run again.
dedicated to my fluffy and now unfluffed Dewey boy! Although he doesnt read.
Friday, August 21
On this day of your life, Jane, we believe God wants you to know... ... that you've been skipping out on God's most important gift to man - love. Love is the blood of the soul. God wants all beings to have healthy and strong souls, so God created a simple law to nourish the soul: the more you give love, the more you receive love. Remember all the beings you love - people, animals - that you haven't thought of lately. Do not wait anymore, reconnect with them today and express your love. | |
If you feel down, useless and everything around you, is just difficult.
I'm just gonna skip the crap and move straight to the point.
After school Michelle, Chi Cheng and I went to Christian Fellowship. It was awesome. I had my eyes opened. Until now, i dont recall myself blaming God for not getting the things i want, but i wouldn't know if i will. After watching this, i knew. i had no rights at all to complain, how unlucky i am, how i wished i was born in a richer family, how i wish i'd have a loving and caring father that loves me. The things that i've been ungrateful of, was wiped away. When i saw this video.
click here. His name is Nick Vujicic.
Google him if you wanna know more about him.
This is the link for his website.
Take a few mins. Just watch this video. You will look at life, from a different perspective.
God Bless.
Thursday, August 20
It's you for why i kept my smile on my face
My super duper adorable sayang, just told me, he chose me over MTV World Stage
and he says he never missed events like this.
He used excuses like his leg was weird and all.
BWAHAHAHa
but his couzy and frens saw ppl with crutches just like baby some even wrapped up with bandages.
baby's picked me over. an earth quake at Sunway Surf Beach. With hot bitches.
Fuck off hot bitches.
He picked me!
no comment
Determined Realists like to bear responsibility and welcome challenges. They are stable, reliable persons. External contacts are very important to them; they mix well and are very active. They are excellent organisers and are very happy when things are done correctly and punctually; they can quickly react impatiently if others are not as conscientious, orderly and dutiful as they are. They prefer structured work which produces visible results quickly to abstract, long-drawn-out processes. Determined Realists have no problem with routine as long as it serves efficiency. However, they very much dislike unexpected and unpredictable occurrences which mess up their careful plans. Once they have committed themselves to a cause they do this with dedication and are willing to make considerable sacrifices for it.
Determined Realists do not avoid conflicts and criticism but face up to them and look for solutions. As they have a keen eye for the errors and shortcomings of others and are often quick at expressing criticism, they sometimes rub people up the wrong way especially when they lose their temper and jump to conclusions. Due to their marked sense of justice they are quickly willing to correct themselves and never take offence if someone speaks to them frankly. You do not have to seek hidden motives with them; you always know where you are. Determined Realists are often found in executive positions as they combine commitment, competence and the ability to assert themselves. In their spare time, they often also accept responsibility in clubs and other institutions.
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Determined Realists do not avoid conflicts and criticism but face up to them and look for solutions. As they have a keen eye for the errors and shortcomings of others and are often quick at expressing criticism, they sometimes rub people up the wrong way especially when they lose their temper and jump to conclusions. Due to their marked sense of justice they are quickly willing to correct themselves and never take offence if someone speaks to them frankly. You do not have to seek hidden motives with them; you always know where you are. Determined Realists are often found in executive positions as they combine commitment, competence and the ability to assert themselves. In their spare time, they often also accept responsibility in clubs and other institutions.
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As a Determined Realist, you are one of the extroverted personality types. You enjoy working in a team as a colleague or a team leader. Because you have an outgoing nature, you approach others easily and openly; working in solitude by yourself would be punishment for you. You know how to appreciate a harmonic working climate, but the relationship to your colleagues is not as important to you as to some of the other personality types. For you, the task always comes first and your colleagues and/or superiors are second. As long as everybody is working as disciplined and determined as you are, everything is just fine.
However, if you sense that the work is suffering from irrelevant disputes or private matters that have nothing to do with the job, you have no problem expressing your criticism, and making your team toe the line. It would never occur to you to sacrifice a good result in your work on the altar of personal moods, or in favor of a conflict free environment. On the other hand, you are one of the personality types who is best at handling criticism, and swallow negative feedback without brooding or sink into depression. Consequently, you also can hold your ground in professions where the climate is a little rougher and more competition oriented.
You are an excellent organizer, and a genius at planning and maintaining a workflow that is precise and on time. You enjoy dealing with details and facts, developing rules and guidelines, and establishing standards. Here, your natural sense for systematic and love of order prove to be advantageous; as well as your acute aptitude to see the most efficient of all possible approaches.
Traditions rate highly with Determined Realists. They attend every family event and never forget a birthday or wedding anniversary. Family and friends are very important to them. With their open, communicative manner, they find it easy to get to know people and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances. They are never superficial, but reliable and loyal friends who are always there when they are needed. Determined Realists take their relationships very seriously - they dream of finding a partner for life. In a love relationship, they seek above all stability and loyalty and here, too, they are willing to invest a lot in a harmonious togetherness. Determined Realists master crises or difficult phases with composure; they would never think of breaking a promise given. As a partner, one can always rely on their support.
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However, if you sense that the work is suffering from irrelevant disputes or private matters that have nothing to do with the job, you have no problem expressing your criticism, and making your team toe the line. It would never occur to you to sacrifice a good result in your work on the altar of personal moods, or in favor of a conflict free environment. On the other hand, you are one of the personality types who is best at handling criticism, and swallow negative feedback without brooding or sink into depression. Consequently, you also can hold your ground in professions where the climate is a little rougher and more competition oriented.
You are an excellent organizer, and a genius at planning and maintaining a workflow that is precise and on time. You enjoy dealing with details and facts, developing rules and guidelines, and establishing standards. Here, your natural sense for systematic and love of order prove to be advantageous; as well as your acute aptitude to see the most efficient of all possible approaches.
Traditions rate highly with Determined Realists. They attend every family event and never forget a birthday or wedding anniversary. Family and friends are very important to them. With their open, communicative manner, they find it easy to get to know people and have a large circle of friends and acquaintances. They are never superficial, but reliable and loyal friends who are always there when they are needed. Determined Realists take their relationships very seriously - they dream of finding a partner for life. In a love relationship, they seek above all stability and loyalty and here, too, they are willing to invest a lot in a harmonious togetherness. Determined Realists master crises or difficult phases with composure; they would never think of breaking a promise given. As a partner, one can always rely on their support.
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Your personality type belongs to the most loyal and most faithful types. Even though you are able to fall in love head over heels if the stars are properly aligned, recklessness in dealing with your feelings, and those of others, is totally foreign to you. A relationship is a very important obligation for you. You take it very seriously, and give it a very important place in your life. You are not scared off with sentences like “until death does us part”; on the contrary.
Security, responsibility, and stability are very important to you, and you strive for a permanent personal relationship. For that reason, you are very comfortable in the established traditions such as marriage and family. Once you make a promise, one can be sure that you’ll do everything in your power to keep it, and this especially applies to matters of love. Especially in the “tough days” of a marriage, you turn out to be your partner’s invaluable harbor. You expect the same from him/her. Unfaithfulness and flightiness are going to hurt you more than most other types. Just remember that when the time comes to choose a partner, because not all personality types are as consistent as you need your partner to be.
Determined Realists like you are well grounded, and are much too sober and smart to think that in a long-term relationships, everything is going to be rosy. You are aware that highs and lows are a part of love and life, and difficult times are not going to make you unsure or discouraged. Instead of unending passion, trust, and a deep and continuing friendship between you and your partner are important to you because you know that these feelings are better suited to weather the turbulence of everyday life. Your contribution to the relationship primarily are continuity, and absolute devotion to your partner and your family. Your sense of purpose, and your need to take charge are also evident in the way you deal with your partner. You are probably the organizer, manage most of everyday life, and are in charge of your social contacts as a couple or family, as well. This does not mean that you want to be particularly dominating; you just have a pretty good notion of how things are supposed to work, and you just implement them without hesitation.
Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, practical, logical, planning, direct, structured, conscientious, responsible-minded, self-confident, critical, honest, orderly, reliable, controlled, objective, able to concentrate, resolved, purposeful, communicative, with a sense of duty, tradition-conscious, stable, able to deal with conflicts, solution-oriented, relationship-oriented, efficient, impatient, warm-hearted, competition-oriented
Security, responsibility, and stability are very important to you, and you strive for a permanent personal relationship. For that reason, you are very comfortable in the established traditions such as marriage and family. Once you make a promise, one can be sure that you’ll do everything in your power to keep it, and this especially applies to matters of love. Especially in the “tough days” of a marriage, you turn out to be your partner’s invaluable harbor. You expect the same from him/her. Unfaithfulness and flightiness are going to hurt you more than most other types. Just remember that when the time comes to choose a partner, because not all personality types are as consistent as you need your partner to be.
Determined Realists like you are well grounded, and are much too sober and smart to think that in a long-term relationships, everything is going to be rosy. You are aware that highs and lows are a part of love and life, and difficult times are not going to make you unsure or discouraged. Instead of unending passion, trust, and a deep and continuing friendship between you and your partner are important to you because you know that these feelings are better suited to weather the turbulence of everyday life. Your contribution to the relationship primarily are continuity, and absolute devotion to your partner and your family. Your sense of purpose, and your need to take charge are also evident in the way you deal with your partner. You are probably the organizer, manage most of everyday life, and are in charge of your social contacts as a couple or family, as well. This does not mean that you want to be particularly dominating; you just have a pretty good notion of how things are supposed to work, and you just implement them without hesitation.
Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, practical, logical, planning, direct, structured, conscientious, responsible-minded, self-confident, critical, honest, orderly, reliable, controlled, objective, able to concentrate, resolved, purposeful, communicative, with a sense of duty, tradition-conscious, stable, able to deal with conflicts, solution-oriented, relationship-oriented, efficient, impatient, warm-hearted, competition-oriented
Wednesday, August 19
So Sorry For Not Updating!
Monday.
Went to bby's house in the afternoon. Saw his mother at G floor when she came out from the elevator. @@ She's such a nice lady! I adore her!
Went up. Told bby i'm tired so just went up to his room. Slept in his bro's bed, and both of us cuddled up together as i have my ''peace and calm moment'' that i've not been having for sometime. We both listened to slow soft gospel musics together HAHHAHAHAHA. I know the genre is kinda weird but yea.. It's suppose to be a ''peace and calm moment'' anyway.
It was 3pm when i was up in his room cuddled up together. He was kinda amazed by my Sony Ericsson w595's earphone ( promoting) so i plugged out my extra ear phone and attached it to the latest earphone i'm using. So we both listened to the same music together!
Till around 6pm. We were on the bed the whole time. Cuddled up. Asking each other stupid questions. Ohh wait. It was just me asking stupid questions. Stupid questions with the lowest possibility to happen in live.
We went down for dinner after that. I was just feeling down and depressed not hungry or anything i didnt know what to order cos i really really don't feel like EATING. So ordered anyway. Both me and bby got nasi goreng pattaya. He got Teh O Suam ( which i believe he'll stay away from it now, cos i told him it'll make guys sterile)
After dinner, i wanted to stay for a while longer, the weather was really cooling and i enjoyed it so dearly! But He's gotta go for tuition, so we kinda made a deal. If he wears his brace he can stay, but with one condition, he'll have to drink an extra cup of teh tarik and milo with me.
I asked him to order while i went up his house to get the brace for him, he gave me his set of house keys. The sky was dark already, i dont like to be with myself when i'm dark. Being in the elevator alone is definitely scary. I took a deep breath and stepped into it anyway.
I walked to Alan's unit and opened the door. Alan's sister just stared at me in horror. dam stone. dam funny LOL. She was on the phone i think, i couldn't recall. But i do remember she looked really really very very STONE. I got the brace and ciao-ed.
Went downstairs again stuck in the elevator alone. It was creepy as my stomach churned and those horror movie scene came into mind i just dashed out of the elevator when the door finally shows the letter boxes.
Went there, sat down, while bby put on his brace the poor guy served 4 cups on the table. ( Alan already had 2 cups of Teh O Suam)
We started drinking and the mosquitoes joined us for a drink. We drank teh tarik and milo they happily sucked on our yummy blood. Both of us got so fed up with it, we were desperate, and we were us. Alan suddenly came up with a funny idea and see if it works.
I passed him his bag and he took out his deodorant and started spraying at the mosquitoes, at his legs and over our heads. I laughed my ass off. I think i accidently and unwillingly drank some deodorant as well. Oh well.
We finished up and moved to the bench parallel to the pool. That was when bby told me something terrifying. I was really freaked out. But managed to continue my ''peace and calm moment'' again anyway. Till the cab arrived. We kissed each other goodbye.
Tuesday, Wednesday
School.
The end.
Thursday.
Yet to come!
Sunday, August 9
Just For You!
I wan u to know that, everytime i talk to u, hear about you, look at you, think of you, or anything bout you.
It makes me uncomfortable.
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
GET OUTTA MY LIFE.
sigh.
gdnite..
Saturday, August 8
Latest Score board for mom and dad
Dad fetched me for violin lesson - 1 point
Mom cooked my favourite food - 1 point
Mom purposely made me a special drink to clear my cough - 1 point
Mom told me that my ass always stares at her - 1 Point.
Dad nagged a whole lot about Alan and how he should recover and take care of his leg - 1 point.
Dad - 3 + 2
Mom - 3 + 3
Latest score :
Dad - 5
Mom - 6
Mom leading by 1 point!
Where is Jane?
As easy as it sounds.
Self-quarantined!
Pls do not stay away from me, pls remain a safe distance from me
Pls still continue to be my fren T.T
I am not desperate. I am just dead bored.
Good night readers, Gonna go back to sleep. So that i can attend school again.
tata.
Wednesday, August 5
Dad?
Yes dad. I came back earlier from school today and actually just had 1 period of Add maths and the form 5s were called to dewan bakti and dewan kuliah, divided by gender. Girls were called to dewan bakti and guys- dewan kuliah.
Me?
Home.
The stupid haze made it hard for me to breathe and I kept choking for air. Literally, I was having a cough and the haze is just not helping me recover.
I am still thinking if i should take part in the competition. I mean IT IS my last year. And there's no other chance like this..
Baby says GO FOR ITTT..
Chi Cheng says.. hmmm I also dunno laa..
I say..
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??????
Dad, today, was probably demented.. He fetched me back from school 1 hour after his called which he said he needed only 15 mins. (As usual) Went home, I offered to make him breakfast. So i offered to make him half-boiled eggs. He said okay after he found out there was bread in the refridgerator.
I then switched the kettle on (old fashion i know) and turned my attention to the ostrich eggs my sister asked me to take care of. I was suppose to stick more sworovski crystals on top, the thing is, the cement she bought flows out continuously and it's difficult to recap. So i told her, if you want me to help you with this, you gotta be with me when i do it. If not your eggs(ostrich) will be covered with cement(transparent but shiny) and not beautiful crystals. Immediately, we thought up an idea. We squeeze the whole cement tube and into a container, and we just gotta roll the eggs over it and simply sprinkle the crystals on top.
NO WAY.
UGLY.
dISRESPECTFUL TO ART.
LAZY.
NOT ARTISTIC!
last but not least.
NOT BEAUTIFUL.
1 small tiny packet of sworovski crystals is just like the amount of small crystals you can hold on your palm and it'd already cost ranging from 30 ++ to 60++ depending on the sizes.
Just when i ended the conversation with my sister, the kettle whistled. I ran over the stupid kettle screaming for attention and made the half boiled eggs.
Dad was caring today, he washed everything i used to cook the half boil eggs(sadly not his). He put back the soya sauce and also the peppers. He asked me how was my day, altho it was still 8.30am in the morning.
I felt, at ease I guess. He then went to the piano and played a few emo songs. I sat my big butt infront of the PC watching P.S I Love You. As always, comments from readers after watching the movie? SUCK. But till now, this is the worse movie brought to life from the book. It's disastrous. They made Holly sound like just some cheap bitch while in the book, she lived with dignity. How can they even have the heart to say that Frank (Holly's loving and caring and humorous dad) left her mom??? He loved his wife so much! (which was Elizabeth) and in the movie, Elizabeth reborned and became Patricia or some other names.
What the helll?? Well, I'm the type of person that waits for the credits. It seems the movie was dedicated to some girl who died in 2005. Okay.. Understandable.. So then i proceeded to my next goal watching the credits, the producer's name. Not some distinguished uncle, so i then skipped to the cast, it's either my knowlege for celebrities is just WAY below average, or they're just someone who played the trees and the grass in a kindergarten concert.
I am going to run a very very unfair game between mom and dad and see who cares for more.
1 point goes to dad, who asked me how was my life and atleast pretended to listen and care.
1 point goes to mommy, with her own bare hands without the help of my father.
1 point goes to dad, who picks me up from school and ask if i'm all okay.
1 point goes to mommy, who checks if i'm sick when i sleep in the living room with strong fan and thin blanket after a fight the night before. ( what a mouthful)
1 point for daddy who listens to my problem.
1 point to mommy who directs me through life.
so for now.
Dad - 3
Mom - 3
Monday, August 3
To mom.
Just to let you know a part of me thinks of you always. A part of me will always love you. A part of me will always forgive you. A part of me will always appreciate you.
I always insist on being with ppl when they need me, no matter the gender. You told me to butt out of stuff. A society like this, if everyone just focus on their own and doesn't see to the need of others, you'll never get to find a shoulder to cry on when you need one, when you lay sick on the hospital bed, bored to death, hoping a person will pay you a visit, nobody will come. Why? because just like you, their busy with their own business. When u need a helping hand, you'd be alone. Why? Cos you're too occupied with your work and neglected others, and what makes you feel that you deserve the attention when you have not given out any, to anybody, anyhow, anywhen.
Even if it's a friend, who just needs to share a part of their life. It will be nice, to know it yourself that when they're in need, you were there, holding their hand, walking them through difficulty. Because, helping others, you do not need a condition, you do not need to be rich, you do not need to be strong physically, all you need, is just a little bit of your time. To care for others. And time, a natural element that God gave us, something that we can never purchase. Why is it made so? Because God knows, if we'll have to buy time from him, everyone will become as self-centered as ever.
Time is free. We have 24 hours a day. We have 7 days in a week. It will not appear to have onli 18 hours in a day when we wake up. Why is it set this way? TO have 24 hours a day and definitely 7 days in a week. So as to let us manage our time well.
I love to help. I want to help. It is my passion to help. I wish to help, whenever, wherever, however.
You've never been there for my swimming competitions to cheer for me. To tell me ''You did great darling!'' after i worked hard for it. To pour me a hot drink and ask '' Are you cold my dear?'' Or just show a sign that you're proud of me. You weren't there. I've been to a plenty of swimming competitions. I asked you to be there for me every single time. You were never to be seen.
Before my event, I'd always thought to myself. What i would do if i could just have my mom here. To tell me '' Go for it! You can do it! You've worked hard for it and you deserve to win!''
I look around. Children of my age, talking to their parents. A simple act of a father patting the son's head, supporting him. I stood there, lost.
I quickly wiped away my tears when an adult approached me. That kind soft voice asked '' Are you okay love?'' I smiled weakly at the stranger.
Singing competitions. You've seen me practised and practised. You asked me nothing regarding anything. You never seem to care. Mayb you do, deep in your heart. What's the point of having to care for someone when you do not express it.
I know if you do get your hands on this. You'd say ''During my generation, my parents let me off to work at 12. I had no love from them. I got to work it out my own. I started everything myself.''
Okay wonder woman! I'm sorry i couldn't be like you! I know i'm very very lucky to have you as my dearly only mother. I can never ever find anybody else to replace you and i can never love anybody as i have my love for you. If that's your treatment and you know it sucks. Does that mean you'd want me to go through that as well? Just to have a bite of how you felt like? To suffer like how you did?
As much as you love me. You've been a wet blanket. Not only to me, also to dad and many more. Discouraging people. Mayb it is me who's being over sensitive here. But i do care and make it to a point that, mayb it's true, every single word you say. Even if it hurts or it just lights up my whole day. A slight sign or action that shows that you care. Mayb just ask me a question of ''How's your day?''
isn't that hard. I'm sure, that you wouldn't have to dig your pocket to search for a coin to insert into your mouth, and it'd open and say ''How's you day?'' and you'd clamp your mouth shut till the next coin goes in.
You do not have to do that, just to offer some kindness. It comes within, it is free. It is unlimited. It is done on your own free will.
I understand you'd have to work for my future. I know you're thinking of my future and planned far ahead. YOu'd know what's best for me. But i do not see any harm in if i would wanna help someone who dires help.
I am sure, when i need help, and you couldn't find a time to slot yourself in just to see me ( like the work excuse you always use all the time) you'd like someone to be there for me. and now that someone actually still do care about me right?
So why cant i do the same for others?
Don't they need to be convinced that someone loves them, that someone cares for them, that one will be there when in trouble?
There are lots of things in my life, all my firsts that you've missed. Sometimes, this tiny events that you think it's unimportant, will be the missing pieces in your puzzle when you leave. The missing pieces you'd never get to get your hands on. Because, there's only once for FIRST times, there will not be another time. The secret to your perfect puzzle in life, is the tiny tiny pieces that makes up a whole.
Every event will be different. Every individual, time, venue, feeling, will never be the same.
I need you in my life. I need to know you'd be there for me and you'd let me be there for other people. I need to know that you realise, i'd rather have you beside me all the time than having the luxury you provide us with. I need to know, that you love me dearly. Mayb just 5 mins each day to bond, would satisfy my craving for your love. To be able to convince myself, that you still care.
I love you mom. I'd always will. Just please do understand me. Because you've already missed out a lot. It will never be too late if you ask, as i am still here, waiting. Just for you.
I know i sound like the stupidest and whiniest ppl now, and how immature i sound. But these are the things that i wish you'd know.
It'S all abouT him..
the sky is bright again!
thusday.
baby got admitted. i skipped school.
friday.
baby's operation, dam worried.
me and nick. sneaked to hospital as i weren't suppose to do so. As i was partially recovered from falling sick. One, I might get infected with various viruses in the hospital and fall sick again. Or. I'd pass my cough to my dearest teddy. Which will hurt him (surgery wound) if he coughs.
Nicholas and I was camping for a cab. It was all taken! So we gave up and just hitched on the bus instead. We were there early i guess.. His bed wasn't there. After a while playing with the sanitizer available outside every ward, saw the nurses and his mom pushing his ward bed back...
We stood outside a lil bit longer. After his mama left. me and Nicholas went in. He was REAL drowsy. Left the hospital at 3pm.
At night, Sally fetched me to the hospital again to check him out.
Saturday.
Woke up early and took a cab to the hospital again, was there around 9 till round late 2pm.. Then off to work!
I was there alone with him. The doctor came in, physio therapist came in as well. Dr. Hanizan is hot, and Dr. Ng has a nice ass! Uh.. For the physio therapist? Couldn't see anything cos she's all wrapped up. But if i have to.. I'd say she has beautiful eyes!
He was dead bored. As i read my book, i made him do my English tuition's vocabulary workbook =D i'm an awesome girlfren i know! He did it anyway.
He was dead bored on the bed.. And i was dead hungry, refused to eat his food. So i decided to bring him down for a walk! He was on his crutches for the second time. He wasn't quite use to it yet, and i was holding my breath all tensed up afraid he'd fall. Stood behind him and watched him carefully so as to make sure the worse doesn't happen. My poor heart was pounding so fast and hard that it feels like it's gonna explode at any moment. If he falls that is.
We managed to get down to Delifrance, and i don't wan him to walk any further. We both sat down at the nearest table possible, to save the hassle of getting further and back again later. I went to get my food, and was critisizing how lame the paper they have with the tray was. As i read, he realised i stopped eating. I wasn't really in a mood to eat anyway. I lost my appetite. I was no longer hungry when i was in Delifrance. I just wanted my heart to have some rest b4 i pass out.
The trip back to his ward. Was worse. I collapsed on the chair the moment he was safe and sound with his leg perched on a pillow. Poured him a cup of water and i just let my head rest on his bed and panted.
Continue chatting and shared secret jokes between us till I left.
Mom picked me up and went straight to the pool!
Sunday.
Baby was home already and resting. Just kept nagging him to move his leg and told him if he doesnt. His leg muscles will shrink and the operated leg will be an inch shorter than the perfectly normal one.
Monday.
Went to school but was dead bored. It just didnt feel right not seeing him in school. I felt so empty. Practically i almost skipped the whole day of school as suddenly my attack came. I just read my book to cover my expressions. It was blood donation day. It was a waste i couldn't donate mine =(
After school i went home and got ready to head to baby's house in Kelana Jaya. What the hell.. His house is just BEAUTIFUL! It wasn't spacious for the first floor, but the second one was just. WOW. breath taking. I fell in love with it.
We had McD after that. For dinner. I realised he kept picking up the crumps from the table and i just said '' You're the type of person who are just too lazy to wipe the table right?'' He smiled and say '' Yeap!''
I then looked down at my side. The stupid Spicy Chicken McDeluxe made a mess! Perhaps it was me, but still i offered that i'd make sure the table's clean after that. He just kept wiping my mouth as the very messy mayo and lettuce smear all over my face. He was happy that he'd actually get to have coke and fries at the same time i guess..
Well after an episode of According To Jim. He called a cab and we went down together. His aunt picked him up and went while i just stood in front of the guard house for the taxi.
He apologised. I get it la. WHATEVER.
Tuesday.
Didn't go to school. Baby's got a physio therapy appointment at 2.30pm since i'm rotting at home, i offered if he needs my company. Oh well. He said yes. Just gotta find transport there now..
Thinking hard.
How to get to the Hospital from Kelana Jaya? I'm not familiar with busses at all, mayb they'd bring me to Perak or some place like that.
that's all for now!
take care!
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