stupid me =] i will always smile

sick of talking
tired of thinking
leaving u alone
will be the best choice.


i am no longer the most important or the most updated
someone replaced me with grace and beauty
posture and effectively.



i tried to free myself
and i stopped trying.
but i know i shouldnt
i could have if i wan to
it's time.
for me to put more effort to
suppress the pain and gloom
the soothe the atmosphere.


i forgive to easily.
i dun wanna trust
i no longer can trust
i assume things.
i share things.


with ppl i like to hang around but i couldnt
cos i care for ur feelings.
u wandered around.
u did it behind my back or also
in front of me.
i couldn't get mad but you can.


think rationally.



repetition of i'm tired of i'm letting go
came out of my mouth again and again.
i know this myself
so i'm never gonna say it again.


i wanna love myself and indulge with edward
cos i know even if it's just a mirage
but it's solidly there stood.

the confidence was thrown away
the trust was given away
lies that were pushed away
return to give away
the feelings
but yet u asked me to stay away.

giving u my life was a big mistake.
no i dun mean it but i just wanna say it

i know in my heart i rather die than staying away from u
u are my life
u are everything to me.
i'm treated like i'm no nothing


perhaps is becos i was expecting which
made it disappointing.
i was calculating
the chances of deceiving.
Speculatively.
things got to the point
where i was expecting

i hate to tell u that i love you
cos i look like i'm lying.
u know i shouldnt be doing
but i cant stop myself from trying.



i will leave u alone.
although it will hurt badly.
some space is wat we both need
the idea of losing
has been especially
frightening.


i'm spoilt
i always get things my way.

how come not this time.
to be able to forget and not
mix the two things up
and messing wit my life.
i often laugh at my idiotic things.

i now i am laughing
cos i'll constantly put a smile on my face
whenever it's hard or i'm suffering
i'll never show to let anyone get worry.

i will always smile and put the sorrow behind me

confession

i drew my breath
i inhaled deeply
i let out a sigh
slipped through me

you crept in my life
abruptly but yet silently.
and left cautiously and furtively.

you were a mystery
at least to me
i have to admit that i am a bit
astute >.<


i found out the keys
and i got to understand the real you
through me.


you were always gay
and had a smile
but they faded
and now it's a fantasy


it was all nostalgic
with the tendency
of smelling your scent
ghastly.
afraid to be unable to act cautiously.


It all turned vacillate.
discovering the ruins
in the hearts of me.
it was just briefly
that you looked at me.

i felt my feelings crushing from beneath
threatening to break through the ground.


i found u in relieve
when my tears where dripping
trembling when i hold the phone.
fear took over me .
dissatisfaction boil inside me.


condescendingly you pushed me away
at that second i knew that i need to be wary
of my actions and also of my words.
i gotta apologize and say that i'm sorry.

to the person i love(kinda) i think maybe i dunno

It appeared to be vain. The faux expression and lie that you create. You kept contradicting that you were lying. Your such an ostentatious person, you know i know that you know.

Sometimes when you speak, you always do it furtively with me while i was agonizing picking up the vestiges that you created. Curtly i breathe, i thought i was shrewd in some way. I was so injudicious with my actions and accidentally provoke someone. A cryptic person which is evasive on the temper. I was totally oblivious of what i was resolved in. Abruptly, things unraveling at the speed of lightning when i was vaguely conscious of what was going on. That was then i started scrutinizing the reactions the tiny stuffs that normal ppl dont do.


Your actions are unrelentingly showed, showing the vacancy inside you. You were seeking for something tangible and fragile, feeble and frail, because to you, it is very intimidating. The discontent that you have when things get too easy and in ur way all the time, banishing all the responsibilities and love. Deluding one that might unaware of you. You alter constantly so that people couldnt keep track of you. I had the privilege of getting your understatements but that's the price for undercurrent.

Your actions are still moot and showing no sympathy to anyone. I wish i was wary of what i was into. Condescendingly, i was tortured. My heart throbbed when you were near me but not anymore. You penetrated through my defenses, i will keep my eyes open this time.



Your pronounced the syllable of the word i loathe most clearly to make me splutter and it was really imprudent of you to do so. You departed without turning your head and i was solemn my face creased and i suffered palpitation, unable to believe the chivalry you approve yourself of doing. It was hysteria, i definitely was. I had a wager and also squabble with a bunch of ppl who cared. The rant they offer was too huge.

I got the incentive from you, at least it was last time. It trigger the danger button in my heard, aid me to realize that it was all a mirage, truth merged. It was hard to condone of what i experienced. I use to flush when i see you. The unwise actions that we both performed, we groaned in anguish as we argued. It was vacant all the time. Never been once filled.



The rant is too huge to fill. I wish i had the wager right. I was too ignorant. No matter how much i mock now, i just have to collect the pieces. and build them up again.

Violin!

my violin.. broke toones of strings. so this time i'm careful. i'm such a newbie =]

Baking cookies and cakes all by myself! =] mom stand aside and watch

today came back from school earlier, mainly to go
get the eclipse book. but my fren didnt bring =[ i
was dang right sad. aiks. so came home made some sushi cookies and also cakes while my mom watch. i love baking and cooking hahaha she says i have the talent.

this took some pics =]








Dewey looked dead at first. but then when he
started to smell he was half dead. then after that
he was all active when he smelled the cake and
cookies both. started barking so we had to lock
him up. But then he was irritated and decided
to go to bed. hahahaha.. I made almond
cookies so it's white. If u wan a bite and try
my skill do NOT hesitate to ask me!



i like ppl eating my cooking hahaha. sorri no pics for the sushi making one. cos i was still in my uniform so my mom took my phone away.


the cakes are banana cake and lemon cakes with
walnuts and almond slices!


Anyone out there having Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
pls borrow me =[

i wan it desperately.

random

It was essential for me to look away, when our eyes meet. Suspicion is all over people's mind as they noticed the strange way that we are acting. As time ticks, feelings grown and the love worm linger around my heart threatening to have a bite. The smiles on my face are fading, fights are evaded as often as possible.

The weight of responsible is not how normal people expect. We have to go thoroughly with what we do, withstand the pain and misunderstanding, not to abhor each other in all sorts of ways.
I fasten my seat belts in my place that i feel safe and tried to breathe slowly.

You chuckled at the sight of how hard i was trying, after all, you were just at a side folding your arms in front of your chest, not noticing the the depth of trouble i was in. I struggled badly in the nostalgic times that we had, how you use to stroke my hair and the feeling of your lips touching my hair and starring in your brown eyes is irresistible. I also remember that i use to scrawl your name all over the places and my friends calls me the culprit of the vandalism case around our school. I know it was stupid and meant nothing more than stupid.

You noticed that i do not talk much, i am boiling in hot water, being scalded by troubles, my tan-brown skin is turning black. The atmosphere was really edgy and uncomfortable. My feelings turned sore, so as my eyes.


I kept pushing myself, having nothing but self determination to finish it. You shook me when i am in fright, watching your angular features makes me wonder, sometimes unable to pull myself back from fantasy. I needn't heaven when i am with you.


I am renown as a cry baby, my nose is always wrinkled and my eyes are always damp. You gave me the cold shoulder practice and i felt ill. Things change irrevocably and the dominant part of me lost control.


I always stare at you with disbelief, how can you be so beautiful? Your eccentric movements, your extended courtesy, frantic reactions, the throbbing ache that you can create in me, your disoriented face always humor me. The devastating thought that you are no longer by my side, my friends too vehemently advised me to let go. In spite of all the humiliation that i experienced, the traitor gave me away. My stomach churned when i heard it.

The times we had till now is distinctly buried deep down in the hearts of people. We helped a lot. It all seemed logical after i cleared my mind. I would give in and everything else but i will not ever think of giving up.


I will wait. I am neglected , i finally know.

=]

i sat on ur lap .
i gazed into ur eyes .
i shifted my gaze into somewhere else .
couldnt take it when
tears urges
and my tear ducts were active.


i wished at that second .
i ought to have a concussion
in my head .

becoming immune
from ur scent.
ur smell
ur hair
ur look
and ur kisses
will never come .


i slid down from
ur cheeks to ur shoulders
finding a spot that would
both be comfortable
for you and me.


ur specs were at the corner
of the table.
but yet u could still see clearly
that's what u claimed.



i wanna burst into pieces
and out of sight.
i wished that the floor
will just crack up
and suck me in with gravity.
disappear in the thin air.


i felt embarrassing
i blushed crimson red.


this time.
unable to control.
my tears appeared
at the edge of my eyes.
giving me away .



u starred at me amaze.
that i cry when i'm upset.
i didnt like it.
i wiped it away hastily.


i cringed
and had the tot of being unable
to see u again.
that u would leave again.
stop !


i kissed u goodbye on the cheek.
and he said.
i'll see u in school tomoro sweet.


i smiled half-heartedly.
he smelled my hair.
kissed my forehead and
u said.
i promise i'd spend more time
wit youu
baby.


i froze.
you left.

u walked out the door without turning back
telling me that u love me.

the door slammed shut.
and u were out of my sight.

that was the last time i saw u
with ur lovely crooked smile.
i picked up ur voice.
it was melodic .
the cd that u made for me
a recording of ur playing.

deep down in my heart.
i knew. i've always i had and i will love eu.



it was easy denying the facts.
the fact that u left.
that u're no longer there.
not beside me.




i want to warm ur cold face.
my heart to pound when u're close to me

i touched ur face gently
with cautious and tender
afraid that you would break.

i held u near my chest.
to let u hear the heartbeat.

it was accelerating,
i was hyperventilating.
it felt like it will burst a hole
out of my chest in order to
stop it from beating.

it was all a ruse.
i reprimanded for something.
but still i couldnt get it.

i didnt feel well.
i suffocated.
when u held me close.

the sweetness in ur breath
made me relax and cosy.

i was in ur arms.
warm and frenzy.

i've never felt more comfortable.
when ur around me.

things have changed
and i have tears around me
as i flood myself.
in the gloom and dusty.

a memory i dun wanna stay in
for far too long.
it will drive me crazy
if time prolongs.

i wanna be wit u.
eventhough u're cold.
unable to provide me warmth.
i will dwell in just fine.

no worries.
just take me close.
embrace me wit love.
and kindness and care.

i onli wanna be happy wit u
i lost my consciousness.
and rational when u're not around

i tried to hold back my tears.
i dun wan to be dominated
by something sad.

i wanna be smiling
but no matter how hard i'm trying..
it's just not working.

Twilight for Edward Cullen

Oh. Edward.

at the sight of ur presence.
i froze.

in fantasy and stiff as a stone.

when u grinned at me with ur crooked smile.
my heart melt into blood
hoping that u would drink it.

u held my hand with ur cold hands and fingers.
ur breath and ur smell drives me crazy.

the words eu use.
sweetens me.

u creeped into my heart silently.
soon
flooding in my mind frequently.


It was chaos fighting over the urge to touch u
to hold u close and crush eu.

to tell u that i love eu edward.
i wan eu.

慶幸有你愛我

失去和擁有　剎那的感動　
人生有時像一場夢
醒著的時候　睜開了雙眸　
不如意的很多

朋友和情人　來的來　走的走　
反反覆覆　尋尋覓覓　為了什麼
要多少時間才能夠了解　
其實有你就足夠
　
握著你的手走過快樂和難過
黑夜白晝　我們都曾經擁有
人生是沒有定律的一種節奏
不如用心去感受

快樂的一刻勝過永恆的難過
黑夜過後就有日出和日落
兩個人走　不會寂寞　
每一刻都會珍惜　都會把握　
慶幸有你愛我

失去和擁有　淚水和笑容　
人生有時候像一場夢
累了的時候　閉上的雙眸　
誰在回憶上游

多少的朋友　來的來　走的走
聚散從來都不給任何的理由　
轉過身以後才忽然感受　
你一直都在背後

握著你的手走過快樂和難過
黑夜白晝　每個人都會擁有
人生是沒有定律的一種節奏
不如用心去感受

快樂的一刻勝過永恆的難過
黑夜過後就有日出和日落
兩個人走　不會寂寞　
每一刻都會珍惜　都會把握　
慶幸有你愛我

握著你的手走過快樂和難過
黑夜白晝　每個人都會擁有
人生是沒有定律的一種節奏
不必在乎得太多

快樂的一刻勝過永恆的難過
黑夜過後就有日出和日落
只要和你一起度過　
人生沒幾人懂我　懂得把握　
慶幸有你愛我

today

lost something i liked a lot.

exam sucked.

i cheated.

that's why it sucked.

was bored.

kok chern talked to me.

u looked bored he said

but

i WAS bored.

i looked at him.

michelle and carmen.

helped me.

but the girl he is interested in is michelle.

i got kinda disappointed.

it was not fun

but i tot it was at first.

today went crazy.

=] shocked.

rubbish bin

gonna be emptied tomoro.


i love you.

uh huh.

i wish time would reverse

till b4 i met eu.

it will be a long way back.

but i think it will make a big difference.

too serious commitment

unable to find myself.

goodbye.

silly.

monkey

gone
fullstop

The cold shoulder treatment.

yeps . thats what i got today . and also thts what i did today .

i got things wrong . and things did went wrong .

uncomfortable scenes were obvious .

we managed to ditch each other .

it was bad .

my tears felt it .

so did i .

u said sorrie .

of cos ur forgiven .

u know how much i love you .

some how .

you tend to forget .

so imma remind eu again .

i love eu .

A little change after sometime.

i'm sure everybody noticed that my blog has changed. quite a lot =] well. someone occupied my mind. in order to get it off. i do this. =]

today. has not onli been my blog that changed. but also part of me. reading back my previous post. i've noticed that. i paid very lil attention. to certain ppl in my life that are important. my helping hands and also shoulders.

i'm sorrie.
i cant accept it.
it's too much for me

so much coming
i know it's bad for eu too..
disagreement.
dissapointment.
appointments.
arrangements.
comments.

break up.

it has been two words
that means a lot.
dun get me wrong.
cos i love eu.

a part of me has been ripped off.
and it's becos ur not by my side.
i slept with eu
it was soothing.
it was fun.
i felt something.
and it's wat i've been seeking for.
loved.

sweetheart

eu held me in ur arms.
u watched me sleep.
u hugged me tight
and u made me feel asleep

i felt safe.
as i looked into ur eyes.
u dripped my eye
i looked at u
i braced myself =]
cos i've got eu.

u're in my heart..
taking over control.
as ur driving me crazy.
i'm urs.

i felt there was nothing to be afraid of.
u kissed me everytime i yelled and when it's over
u held me close. and covered it
we laughed.
we hugged.
we had fun =]

u starred at me when i sleep
u're my perfect guy.
the one i've been looking for

i cant find words or actions
to show my appreciation towards u..
u were with me
starring into the sky..
counting stars
lying on ur shoulder.
i hugged ur hand tight.

words.
lies.
truths.
sentences.
i dunno
i love eu
just eu.

sweetheart

非常有意义

今天 在电视节目上学到了 人生的一个重要情节.. 我知道有许多没像我那么的幸运. 没有办法和世界外向接触.. 所以决定了写下 这一次的感受..


我们做的一切
到最后...


只会回来到我们自己..



我们去爱
就会被爱

我们去尊重
就会自然而然地被尊重

我们背叛
就会被背叛

我们勇敢的去学习
其他的人也会心甘情愿地为我们学习..


如果我们克意地伤害别人


那 到最后被伤害的人





会是我们自己...


今天又学到了一个人生的道理...

我很感激上苍给了我这一个机会来学习...

something meaningful and i wanna share it

i was watching in WaTv in 5pm from monday to friday.
and it's something about counseling family problems or others.

the counselor said.

we humans are sensible animals.
watever we do will come back to us.

if we love
we will be love

if we betray
we will be betrayed.

if we steal
something from us will be stolen.

if we hate
we will be hated

if we respect
we will be respected.

if we work hard
we will be rewarded.

if we hurt others
we will be hurt..

think about it..


since this is a very meaningful thing that i've heard.
i'm also gonna write it in chinese for the ppl who might not be able to understand english..

delighted

i didnt go to school today.
due to some uncomfortable reason
a problem that i've been facing
and unable to solve..

i need some rest
sometime at home.
sometime to think alone.

=]
being with my mom and bro
tortures me.
as i sleep
my bro
off the fan as i'm still asleep but i saw him off it
i tot he would on it back so i went back to sleep
and then
i started to feel very uncomfortable
in my new lingerie and super duper cute
pyjamas that mom bought me yesterday.

i started to sweat
then
i called for my bro half asleep.
he came in
open the door
and say
woi? sstill sleeping?
die sweating ba.

and he closed the door.



MEAN
VERY VERY MEAN!!~
that's wat i tot.
so
i got out of bed



on the fan
and went back to sleep >.<


i woke up
had my breakfast

=)
mom's yummy breakfast..
downloaded som songs.
log in dream ms
then..

i read ur blog.
i was so touched.


i really love eu
will u take me in?

=]
forget abt the past
and start a new life.
gimme ur trust
and be with me
be my baby

Too Bothered

i am too bothered abt you
too much of u
over dose.
die

i'm too bothered abt my appearance
fat or skinny or moderate or hot or beautiful
eat too much eat too little
die

fall down dun fall down
butt crack butt dun crack
head crack head dun crack
back ache or not
nut crack a not
die

ppl live love lie look and realise
in the end
we all die
wat's life?

i dunno


love
wat is love
how is love
why love
no i dun love
or do i?

care or dun care
it hurts
love or dun love
it hurts

problems come
problems solved
more problems come
wat do i have to do


SOLVE IT LA DUH
use brain.


drop it
stop it
leave it
eat it
live on with it
hover over it?
no just step on it.


confused?
ya
bothered?
ya
sick?
ya
cracked?
ya

know?
no
think u know?
no
wan to know?
no

weird?
ya
stupid?
ya
lame?
ya

cute?
yes
beautiful?
yes
hot?
yes
slim?
yes

fat?
yes
ugly?
yes
mine?
no
mine?
yes

love me?
no
love me?
yes
appreciate me?
no
appreciate me?
yes

caught my attention?
yes
caught my attention?
no.


am i smart?
no
am i good?
no
am i kind?
no
am i mean?
sometimes

am i humble
mayb
who do i love?
i dunno

all i know is.
i need eu
the right true love
where are eu
who is my true love
i dunno
but i nid u

i wan eu
to be my large candle
that i hug
that lights my night

where are eu
i crave for eu
i crave for love

i'm sick of confusion
i just lack of love
i dun wanna make decisions

i
wanna let go
i
had enough
can i?
will i?
do i ?
wan to.

i dunno
i'm lost
i cant seem to find my way
i'm distracted
guide me back
someone

uncomfortable
ya
loved
no
someone who cares?
ya


weird post? YA

today

i was late.
we missed the bus
things went how i planned
i'm touched..

my heart has been reserved for u all this while
someone that i've known
for 4 years..
a person i love.
is definitely u

i might have swayed.
i might have trashed eu..
i apologize.
pls forgive me.

i love eu.
i wan eu to be mine.

forever.
isn't a word that i believe in

i would never
say i love u forever.
until i can
imagine and see a future if i'm with u..

read carefully and understand the meaning

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push!

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.

Some people make the world special by just being in it.

Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

True friendship never ends.
Friends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

If u love something...let it go.
If it comes back to you its yours....
If it doesn't then it never was.

A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love.

A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of.

A dream is just a dream until u make it come true.

LOVE is just a word until its proven to u.

Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes. Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.
____________________________________
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

3/ 10 /2008

the wind was strong
where things were wrong
i sat on the platform
under the storm.

i was covered
in rain water..
mixed with tears.

i was stupid.
i fell for it.
i felt nervous
cos i was gonna kick it

confused and angry
i walked under the rain..
tripped and fell
hurt and bleed
both physically and mentally..
i was injured.

healing was almost complete
but i fell again
and all of it dropped from 80 to 40..

the wind was howling
my hair was flying
i was crying
while my legs were bleeding..

i rubbed my tears
then my legs.
got up.
and continued walking..

the rain.
i wish
would wash away the pain
the wounds
and
me..


sometimes.
i feel that life is precious
sometimes
i feel that living is no longer
a value..
i am weak
but i am strong
i am accompanied
but sometimes lonely

i am with eu baby
but
time ticks exceptionally slow.
when u're not in front of my eyes.

u hold me in ur arms.
when it was raining.
we both walked under the rain..
i lied on ur shoulder.
i was tired.
finally
a place for me to rest on..

u asked me not to push myself too hard.
but the pain was in my heart.
i felt that i've done nothing.
worthy enough to carry the title of my mother's daughter..

i feel..
nothing
but
useless
pain
stupid
worthless

she called me treasure.
she called me baby
cos i lied to her
that my frens would fetch me..
but silently
i walked under the rain
i didnt wanna go home.
sat silently under the rain

i wished. she had a better daughter
i wished she would get more rests.
b4 she would have to wake up early in the morning and fetch me to school again
so i told her. i lied to her

mom.
my fren's are fetching me back.
when i reached home
i was drenched in both sweat and rain water.

so she asked..
ur frens drop u downstairs ma? didnt see u de.
then i answered.
i walked.
cos i wanted u to rest.

she held me tight in her arms.
wiping all my pains away
i wanted to broke down
but i know it would hurt her
so i held back.

i love eu mom.
there's so many things i wanna tell eu
but i dun seem to have a chance
u never seem to bother
so it's okay
i know
that u're working hard for us
u dun have time to waste
cos u've got lots of work to do.

my heart is shattered. one hug
one kiss
just
10 seconds of love.
will shape and mould my heart back to how u created it
a mother's love.
cant be explained.
it's a mystery.

and my mother
like mothers.
are indulged in the mysteries.
she will be part of my history.
and i really do love eu mommy.