Rejection.

Another rejection, another step forward,

My heart was filled with discontent at the very moment i sent out the message.
I somehow knew what the answer would be.
Something that i was hesitant over,
overwhelmed me with anguish.

Reluctantly i sent out another one,
trying to mend my mistakes,
oblivious from the fact that i do, will and always love him,
the results remain cryptic.

I wanted to hold you in a form of tangible object.
I couldn't, I scrutinized your facial expression,
every bit showed love and concern,
every fidget displayed guilt and fear,
of the mistakes repeated.

Abrupt question popped up,
you need not crease your forehead
or squeeze your brain as if to dry a wet mop.

'shrewd' i was, allowing sympathy to penetrate through my defensive walls.
Sympathy towards myself,,
i decided, i have to do this furtively, in the surreptitious way.

I will not encroach neither impinge,
I now type this quivering with tears,
the idea of eradicating the hope,
ebb and recede,
nostalgic moments,
it all had sentimental values,
and nothing more than that.

feeling nothing but solemn,
the agonizing stabbing,
the vacillate of departing from each other,
to compel myself into lying,
i was in a dream,
a mirage that i'll never wish to wake from.

endeavor was what i did,
to stop myself from flooding my eyes with tears.
to think of what was coming,
i knew it would come, it will have to, becos time wouldn't froze.
time will keep moving, forwarding our moments on the remote.
a controller i wish, to be able to hold the moment on,
to stop the time from ticking, and vanished ltr on.
to press pause when we were in each other's arms.
if there wasn't a pause button. a rewind would do fine.
the sentiments that flowed forward, will never come back.


subterfuge that was both beautiful yet painful.
in the duration of separation,
nothing seemed easy.

fretful of your condition,
my heart thuds in neurotic moments.
a dilemma i faced,
till now unsolved,
by hook or by crook,
a big leap would shard me into pieces.

a crucial point of decision,
a love life to forget,
the bravery to acceptance,
the ability to take trash,
the lurch of love,
the sashay of love.

the thing you're afraid most,
is that repetition will occur.

stern actions reflected in my eyes,
a step taken,
predictably, a good step forward,
daily routine changed rapidly,
another dent left behind.
a love once spread,
was now behind time.

dismembered from you,
ill was at ease.
the reaction i fought against,
to stare into your eyes,
i had to disrupt the moments,
that would have pulled off well.

the comfort you provide just through your eyes.
could both melt and shatter me into fluid or pieces requires enduring,
the warmth you spread with a force so powerful,
that reached into the core of my heart.
i whispered to myself, that i needed you to survive.
i would hold you tight, and never would've let go.
i scared you away, cos i love you too much.
uncertainty scattered over vestiges,
bundling themselves to cause a baffle.
creating fear of most tremendous unpleasant scenes.
repeated again and again.
the sweet reverie that lingers in my mind,
while poignant commotion interject.

an emotion expressed here,
as no one will read,
a glum blog produced,
hopefully well-written.